He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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