i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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