I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
