all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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