How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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