I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
