In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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