I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
