omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize