escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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