Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
