xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
