ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
