the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
