no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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