So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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