my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
