you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
