did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
