I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize