Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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