dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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