remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize