you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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