my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
