Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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