he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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