As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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