Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
