Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
