We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
