keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
