I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
