so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I enjoy the company of your penis
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
