i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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