the new term for farting is butt boxing.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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