wrigley field is MILF paradise
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
