That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
