The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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