no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
