thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
