I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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