my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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