I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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