i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize