Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
