get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
