dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
