this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
