i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
