i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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