I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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