Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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