Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
