The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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