I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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