3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
this just has baby written all over it
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
