I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
