Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
