when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
