it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
