I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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