i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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