it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You can't special order awesome
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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