What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
