I just made out with a guy for $7.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
