I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
