They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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