Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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