I'm lost and stupid without you.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
